By: Casey harding-brown

With everything going on in the US and the news today, it’s hard to watch. It makes me sick to my stomach to see such injustices and divide but that feeling is only a tiny fraction of what POC have to deal with on a daily basis.

From Breonna Taylor, an award-winning EMT who was fatally shot while sleeping in her home due to an identity mix up in a narcotics case and no-knock warrants (they have since been outlawed under the new Breonna Taylor law, but the officers involved have yet to be charged), to Ahmaud Arbery, the black man whose only crime was jogging in a predominantly white neighborhood where he was tracked and murdered by two white supremacists, to George Floyd, the man who had a white officer put a knee to his neck for over seven minutes, until his cries for help stopped and he was later pronounced dead.

These are recent cases, but nothing about this is new. In 2014, Eric Garner sparked a nationwide movement when he said the SAME words that were repeated by George Floyd in 2020-I can’t breathe. With a revolution on the rise, I had to ask myself “What can I do to help?”

I am a white woman, born into a wealthy family and I recognize my privilege. Does recognizing my privilege mean that nothing bad has happened to me? No. I have been sexually harassed countless times and sexually assaulted on multiple occasions.

I have been paid less than my male counterparts at work for doing the same job. I have suffered from serious mental health disorders and learning disabilities such as depression, OCD, a spatial relations disorder (yes it’s a real thing) and ADHD.

But one thing that has never made my life harder, was my skin color.

Accepting your white privilege does not take away from your struggle, it simply recognizes that a large group of people suffer from something you’ve never had to deal with.

I’ve never feared for my life when being pulled over by a police officer or been afraid to fall asleep in my own home. My Mom worried about things like teen drinking, car crashes, safe sex but not once did she have to warn me about how to act (be complicit, keep your hands where they can see them, make no sudden movements in case they shoot you for it) if a police officer approaches me for no reason, and I have never lost anyone in my family or friend group due to police brutality.

The only people in my family that ended up in the system, had been caught up in a spiral of drug addiction for years and all of them had light sentences compared to what POC receive for similar crimes. 

It can be easy to ignore your privilege when it’s all you know.

If I never have to think about those things, why would I?

It’s similar to how some males could not grasp the “Me Too” movement.

One time I argued with my Dad and told him “You don’t know what it’s like to be scared to walk alone at night or wonder if that cat-call out of the car was innocent or if they will circle back and try to physically assault you, you don’t have to worry about covering your drinks at bars, you don’t have to play along with your male Uber driver who hits on you because you’re so scared if you reject him he might get violent, and you don’t know what it’s like to be physically overpowered in a sexual situation.”

And all of a sudden, I saw it in his eyes as it hit home.

“Have all those things happened to you?” he asked. When I replied with a simple “Yes.” his reaction was disbelief mixed with anger and sadness and I think for the first time, he started to understand the “Me Too” movement.

You can’t only take your experience for what this world is because it will be totally skewed and one-sided. It can be awkward and difficult to face your privilege, especially for people like my father who grew up in a poor family, was the only sibling of five to graduate college (one didn’t make it past high school, one ended up on drugs), worked since he was 12 years old and managed to work 80 hrs a week in college and still pass his classes and went on to be a successful businessman. To him, all the odds were against him and his hard work and determination got him out of his situation.

In some parts, he’s not wrong.

He busted his ass from a very young age and it paid off. I admire my Dad for the life he built for us but something that is hard for him to grasp is that one thing he always had going for him, was being a white male. It’s not anyone’s fault they’re born into privilege, but it is our responsibility to address it and use it to help level the playing fields.

I myself, have had many moments (that I am now pretty embarrassed about) where I vehemently denied my own privilege.

I remember once in high school, one of the clubs put up signs around the school with sexism, racism, ageism, etc. with definitions attached.  I remember seeing the sign about racism which said “The oppression of other races from white people.” I was LIVID. I went to a school that was majority Latino, so in that moment I was the minority.

While usually, we all co-existed in harmony and our friend group included a mix of races, I had multiple moments burned into my memory where one of the Hispanics made mean remarks about me because of my skin color. “Move stupid white girl” someone would say as they pushed me in the hallway or when a hiring manager at Chipotle laughed in my face and told me not even bother applying when I tried to get a summer job but could only speak English and not Spanish.

I replayed those moments in my head as I ripped the sign off the wall and marched to the principal's office to demand an explanation (talk about white privilege! ha!) They explained that because white people were the majority in the US, that was the correct definition. I didn’t get it though...in my world at high school, I was the minority.

Plus, anyone can be racist, right?

Well, contrary to many teenager’s beliefs (and adults for that matter) MY world isn’t THE world. My singular experience does not negate the majority’s (or in this case the minority’s) experience.

Yes, anyone can be prejudice and discriminate against someone else because of their skin color or ethnicity but the US is set up to benefit white people and therefore, only white people can be deemed racist and that was something it took me longer to realize.

Another moment my white privilege shined brighter than a diamond and I was extremely wrong,

was when I saw “Mark here if you’re black for special scholarships”  on the PSAT. Umm, what? Someone can get scholarships strictly because of their skin color? What if there was a box that said, “Mark here if you’re white for special scholarships?” People would be outraged!

All these thoughts ran through my head. Not realizing and taking into consideration how the system had oppressed black people for hundreds of years and one small attempt to help level the playing field is affirmative justice.

One eye-opening moment I had was when I offered my friend Sophie, a ride home after soccer practice. She asked me if my Mom would ask for her green card because she didn’t have one. At first, I laughed, thinking she was making a joke but soon realized she was serious. I had never had to worry about something like that in my life.

My world got a tiny bit bigger as I reassured her my Mom would NEVER ask to see her (a 15-year-old child) green card. Because white people are the majority in the United States and therefore the oppressors, we have to be the ones who want to change the system. The minorities don’t have the same access and ability as we do. So to simply post a picture with the hashtag #blacklivesmatter, is not enough. And at this point in time, if you do not actively address this issue, you are a part of it.

Please remember, as an ally it’s okay and expected for you to f*ck up.

I have done it time and time again in the past, (now) knowingly and definitely unknowingly. Recently a friend (who’s a POC) of mine told me that I needed to watch my use of AAVE (African-Amerian Vernacular English). I immediately became defensive.

I’m signing petitions, I’m donating money to the cause, I’m protesting, I am educating other white people. Isn’t that enough?!

No, it’s not. My friend gave me an opportunity to reflect internally and opened up a new dialogue for me to have with friends and family and after I was able to step back and separate myself from my ego, I reached out to thank her for calling me out, giving me something to think about as well as an opportunity to grow.

I apologized for being defensive and for any words I had ever used that offended her or hurt her feelings because at the end of the day that’s why she called me out. Somewhere at some point (probably at many points), I had used words that hurt her and that’s the last thing I want. I don’t know if she will ever forgive me for my hurtful microaggressions or want to be my friend again but that’s her right.

Being an ally isn’t about YOU, it’s about the people we’re fighting for.

We’re human and all you need to be an ally is an open mind and willingness to educate yourself and change for the better. It can be difficult and overwhelming to know where to start but thanks to Brittany Packnett Cunningham we (Instagram @mspackyetti) have a list of resources to help educate ourselves on our privilege and how to use it for the greater good. 

Let me preface this by saying-It is NOT POC responsibility to educate us. It is OURS.

I am lucky and thankful that Brittany put these resource doc together but we should know that this is not and should not be the norm. POC have enough to deal with without us asking “Hey can you explain my privilege and how it’s affected you?” I admire Cleo Wade (instagram @cleowade) who reposted this and I have been using it as a resource to help in my anti-racism journey. 

Anti-Racism Resources