The Best Stoner Snacks from Trader Joe's
By: Casey Harding-Brown
Disclaimer: you do not have to be under the influence of anything to enjoy these snacks. But being stoned will probably take it next level. As an avid marijuana user and Trader Joe’s fan, I thought it was only right to write an article about my favorite TJ’s snacks that hit the spot for every mood of my different highs.
Churro Bites (GF/V)
CHURRO BITES?! Where do they come up with this amazing goodness? When I saw these hit the shelves, I knew I had to snag a bag ASAP. Normally churros have a soft fluffy inside with a crispy, cinnamon sugar coating. These Trader Joe’s churro bites are a little more reminiscent of Taco Bell’s cinnamonn twists in texture but definitely have that OG churro flavor. These absolutely did NOT disappoint and are great for those junk food and high movie nights.
Chili & Lime Corn Tortilla Rolls (GF/VG)
My first thought before trying these was that they were going to be like wannabe Flaming Hot Cheetos. I had no issue with this because I love Flaming Hot Cheetos and the TJ’s brand is made with tortilla chips so they’re gluten-free and uses spices such as turmeric and paprika for coloring instead of artificial coloring. I am not gluten-free but if I can avoid the super processed gluten we get in the US, I figure why not?
I wish I had filmed my reaction to trying these chips because it was a BURST of flavor in every bite and I am sure my facial expressions were so organically pleasantly surprised. When I say every bite, I mean every bite. First bite-BOOM! The spice hits you.
But it’s not that overpowering spice where you don’t actually taste any flavor you just feel the heat, you actually taste the spices. Second bite-BAM! The lime hits your tastebuds and compliments the spice perfectly. As Guy Feieri might say, It’s a ride to flavortown every bite of the way. When you’re craving spice, crunch, citrus all in one and don’t want to walk any further than your pantry-these are the move. Don’t feel like making a trek to the store? Click here to buy online.
Pb cups (GF/V)
If you haven’t had some kind of chocolate-covered peanut butter cup at this point in your life you’re either a freak of nature or have a severe peanut allergy (in which case I apologize) so I don’t need to go into a rant about how this perfect combo of salty and sweet hits the spot, especially when stoned. In my opinion, Trader Joe’s PB cups have a much better peanut butter to chocolate ratio than other competitors such as Reese’s. Word of advice: if you eat these while high, make sure you have some water on deck. Something about peanut butter can really take your cottonmouth up a notch. Click here to buy online.
The Entire Asian Section
The Asian cuisine in Trader Joe’s frozen section never ceases to amaze me. If you’re like me, you can eat Mexican and Asian food every day. If you’re like most stoners, cooking a homemade Asian meal from scratch can seem like….a whole lot of effort. Never fear, Trader Joe’s is here! You will never catch my freezer without their soup dumplings, potstickers, and fried rice (regular and cauliflower!). All of these can be whipped up in under 10 minutes, require minimum effort while delivering maximum taste. I make a homemade potsticker sauce that consists of Trader’s white rice vinegar, soy sauce, fish oil and Hot Mama Italian Pepper Sauce (new!).
Popcorn (GF/V)
Whether you’re a stoner or not, popcorn is a classic snack. A tale as old as time, Disney might say. But Trader Joe’s popcorn section has selections to strike every person’s fancy. Whether you want classic movie theatre style with butter flavoring, a lighter olive oil coating or some sweet and salty kettle corn vibes, Trader’s has you covered.
Inner Pea Snack and Hummus (GF/VG)
When I am craving salty, crunchy goodness but want to limit my carb intake, I reach for my snap pea crisps. They are high in fiber and protein which I double down on by pairing it with one of Trader Joe’s many hummus options. My personal favorites are their Garlic Hummus and the Mediterranean Hummus. This is a great, guilt-free, stoner snack. If you can’t access a Trader Joe’s, click here to buy on Amazon.
Giant Peruvian Inca Corn (GF/V)
OMG. Do not eat these if you have an addictive personality because I swear they’re on par with crack. I used to eat corn nuts as a kid and when I traveled to Peru I found these mega-sized corn nuts that we’re amazing and I was sad when I returned to the US because I knew I’d be missing my new favorite snack. Trader Joe’s to the rescue! I swear these people are mind readers. If you like salty and crunchy, these will not disappoint. If you don’t live near a Trader’s, click here to purchase these online.
Cheese and Salami Packs (GF)
I love charcuterie boards as much as the next basic b*tch but when you’re high, assembling an entire cheese and meat board with accouterments seems pretty extra when you’re just going to flop onto your couch to watch Sex and the City re-runs. For another low carb, high protein snack, Trader Joe’s cheese and salami combo packs are perfect. They’re also a great grab and go snack if you smoked a Sativa that’s making you want to get active.
Seaweed snacks (GF/VG)
Sometimes when I’m high and have the munchies, I know I’m not truly hungry but I still need something to satisfy my cravings. This is where Seaweed snacks come in. They are salty and crunchy but an entire pack is only 30 calories so I can keep munchin and not have to worry about seeing or feeling the consequences the next day. If you don’t live near a Trader’s, click here to get them delivered to your door!
