By: Julia SheplEy

Julia Shepley is a sex, intimacy, and relationship coach for women. She helps women rid themselves of all beliefs, conditioning, and fears that are holding them back from having the life and relationship of their dreams. Through working with Julia women learn how to have expressed sex, nourishing partnerships, and big-time self-love and confidence. In this short e-book, you will learn how to tune into your feminine radiance and create polarity in your relationships. You can connect with Julia on Instagram: @magic__juju

A LOVING REMINDER

I want to bring it to your listening that throughout this document I will be shifting between masculine/feminine and man/woman. Remember - masculine and feminine energies are alive and well in all of us regardless of gender. My transition to more gender-based identities throughout this document is a reflection of my own lived experience. In any of the writing below, adjust the verbiage to suit your experience so you can get the most out of this document. I value, respect, and cherish all lived experiences. Xx 

LEt’S BEGIN

You see her. 

You know her. 

You admire her. 

You’re even jealous of her: that woman who exudes radiance. She is bright and sparkly. She flows through life playfully and seemingly effortlessly. She exudes sensuality and you watch as mesmerized men flock to her. 

What is her secret? What is in her juice? 

I’ll let you in — It’s her feminine energy, baby! 

We’ve grown up in a culture that celebrates the masculine — that go getter, get-shit-done independent visionary. These traits are extremely valuable, undoubtedly, but we are completely missing an integral part of our expression: the feminine; and there are huge impacts of us living this way. 

Our stress levels are through the roof. 

Our sex lives lack expression. 

We miss out on having playful, exciting lives. 

We as women starve ourselves, inject ourselves, and chase harmful beauty standards. 

We expand our lives in areas such as career and purpose, but we shrink in knowing our desire, radiance, and worth. 

Above all else, women struggle to find relationships that truly nourish them. 

If you’re a woman in today’s world, you likely desire a strong-as-fuck man who will come in to ravish, adore, provide, and have vision for you. But where is he? 

Want the quick and dirty answer? 

Okay, you asked for it! 

You repel him. 

When we deal with feminine and masculine energies, the important concept to understand is that opposites attract. We’ve heard it said before, but do we really live by it? Some of the most hot, successful, nourishing relationships have polarity. Polarity is one of the biggest contributors to maintaining long-term desire. 

The crisis we are in right now is that we have strong, independent, brilliant, fully capable women who emit masculine energy, and their strong-as-fuck masculine dream men look at them and say “Where do I go? Where’s the room for my masculine? There’s no space for my brilliance here!” These men then go find women who exude feminine energy, because they feel like there’s an energetic match in that dynamic that leaves them feeling fed. 

It makes perfect sense that we have this ongoing crisis; in the past, women did not have choices in relationships. They were funneled into the feminine role to cook, clean, raise children, and be available for sex. Meanwhile, men fulfilled their masculine role to make money and provide for the family. This relationship dynamic was dependent and uninspiring, to say the least. What it did offer, however, was polarity.

As women began to access more freedom, they ran far from these dependent, uninspiring relationships. Women spent years claiming their independence, establishing their brilliance in the workplace and solidifying the belief that they didn’t need men to thrive. Which is true - we’ve won! But now what? 

Well, I know one thing for sure: if we want successful, loving, nourishing relationships with men, something’s got to give. 

You see, gorgeous queen, now we do have a choice. We get to choose how we want to engage in relationships. We get to inspire how we want our relationships to feel. We get to create from a place of what we truly want. Now that’s a goddamn privilege that DESERVES to be utilized, don’t you think? 

We, women, are bottomless pits of love. Whether it’s deep down or right on the surface, we desire ecstatic, expansive, euphoric love and connection. Our desire for feeling loved and safe is insatiable. It is THE gift of the feminine to love. 

Nevertheless, in response to years of oppression, we’ve built masculine walls around us, and in response to that, we experience feeling lost, like a part of us is missing. Our yearning is valid - there IS a part of us missing. 

So how do we feed our feminine energy so we can feel more in flow in life AND have fulfilling, nourishing relationships with men? 

The answer to this question lies in two pillars that I’ve designed just for you: how to increase your feminine energy in your life and how to increase your feminine flow in relationships. 

Let’s do this!

INCREASE YOUR FEMININE ENERGY IN LIFE

PLEASURE 

The feminine is ALL about pleasure! Imagine a greek goddess lying back on a velvet couch being fed grapes. That’s the vibe I want you to emanate. How can you make your day and your life more pleasurable? You were taught to take care of everyone else before yourself. I say you must take care of yourself x10 before even thinking of taking care of anyone else.

You cannot truly show up in the world and transmit your gifts if your cup is empty and you are depleted. Increase your care for yourself and — for the love of god — please start treating yourself. Get your nails done, get your hair done, buy sexy clothes, get a massage, buy a cute new notebook, invest in a course, plan a yummy trip, get those lashes, eat that chocolate cake.

I don’t care what it is - I want you to start embodying “If I want it, I can have it.” And before you start spiraling into a pit of guilt for spending money on yourself and your pleasure, I want you to pause and remind yourself of that greek goddess on the couch. She is you. You are her. You are a queen - treat yourself as such. You can have it — you can have it all. 

feel

Get out of your head and into your body. The masculine manages the mind - thinking, problem-solving, and planning. The feminine encompasses the body - feeling, flowing, pleasure. Consciously acknowledge and pay attention to your body throughout the day.

What are the body sensations you are experiencing? Do you feel tightness? Spaciousness? Touch your body — rub your arms and legs, give yourself a neck massage. Practice spending 10 minutes a day doing nothing but feeling and acknowledging your body, and see what that brings to your day.

SLOW DOWN 

In order to experience pleasure, we must feel. In order to feel, we must pay attention, and in order to pay attention, we need to slow. the. fuck. down. I think every single woman today needs to take more time to slow down. SLOW DOWN!!!! When you wake up in the morning, take a moment to caress your body. Pay attention to the lathering of soap on your soft skin in the shower. Admire and take in your surroundings on your commute to work, finding beauty no matter what the backdrop is. Close your eyes and breathe. Feel the breath travel from your throat all the way down to your sacred Yoni. 

In a masculine world that yells “go! go! go!” the feminine cries “slow! slow! slow!” 

PLAY 

More play. More fun. More laughs. More giggles. The feminine loves to play. What is your relationship to play? Is your life a hamster wheel of work, gym, and maybe two weeks of vacation?

I want you to start incorporating more play into your life, whatever that looks like for you. What do you do for fun? What makes you feel light and airy? What makes you feel at ease? Surprise yourself with more playful activities: salsa lessons, a Sunday trip to the park, maybe even a visit to your local zoo or ice skating rink 

Shake things up and have more fun!

CREATIVITY 

The feminine loves creative projects where she can just free-flow and express herself. Get a coloring book or some watercolors, or a film camera, or a ukulele. Start a new creative project. Picture yourself coming home after a long day’s work, throwing on a flowy dress, putting on some delicious music, getting out the watercolors, and feeling peace as your feminine works her magic on your system. How delicious does that sound? 

DANCE 

You may roll your eyes to the thought of yourself dancing, but I invite you to try it! The feminine loves to dance — no matter who you are. It’s an integral way she expresses her sensuality and moves through her massive range of emotions. Slow Indie? Pop? Rap? Whatever your choice is, utilize music and movement to access your feminine.

CLOTHES 

You may also roll your eyes at this one. I can already just hear the activation within you: “I CAN WEAR WHATEVER I WANT! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DRESS A CERTAIN WAY TO FEEL FEMININE OR ATTRACT MEN!”

Pause. Breathe. I hear you.

This is simply an invitation: something to try on and see if it resonates with you. Personally, putting on feminine clothes is a one-way ticket to me feeling more feminine, radiant, and in flow. Try it for yourself.

Add some wardrobe items that scream feminine radiance to you. It can be a flowy dress. A sexy ensemble. High boots. New lingerie. A sparkly kimono. A hot pink leather catsuit (you can get creative here).

View this clothing as a tool to access your feminine energy, as if you’re stepping out of your masculine armor into your feminine queen. Observe how the colors and clothes shift the energy within you.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MORE ORGASM!

Sexual energy is one of the most powerful energies in the universe. And you, my love, behold the highest magnificence of a pleasure system in all mankind: your Yoni. Do you know her? Love her? Admire her? Do you give her attention? Touch? Praise? This is my strongest invitation of them all…to develop a deep relationship with her.

Don’t just visit her temple when you’re stressed and can’t sleep. Don’t just rub out a quick orgasm and then roll over and snooze on her. She is a sacred oasis who holds the key to your divine feminine energy.

Experiment with her, lather her with organic coconut oil, massage her, talk to her, listen for her wisdom, gaze at her in a mirror, and tell her how beautiful she is. Fall in love with your Yoni and your life will change. Soak yourself in her orgasmic gifts and feminine energy will radiate from you daily. Men, job opportunities, people far and wide will want you. That is a fact.

HARMONY WITH THE MASCULINE 

These are some practices to try on in your intimate connections with the masculine. I want to emphasize that with your co-workers and friends or in your career and workplace, you can be as masculine as you want. But when you are with your man, if you want polarity and harmony, shed your masculine skin and step into your soft, radiant femininity.

RECEIVING 

This is a big one, and it is usually one of the hardest because we have been so deeply conditioned to not be burdensome to others. Women are masters of deflecting compliments, praise, acts of generosity, and love.

It takes active commitment and mindset shifts for women to truly receive and believe our immense worth. I want you to really, really get that THE mission of the masculine is to provide. So when you do not let him — when you block all the ways he wants to show up and provide for you — you are cutting him off from delivering his gifts.

When your man offers his help and support, it’s not because he thinks you’re weak, incapable, or inadequate - it’s because it is in his DNA to support, provide for, and take care of you. It’s an offering of love, not pity. Learn to receive it, celebrate it, encourage it, and your relationship with men will transform. 

Remember, we used to not have a choice about the type of relationships we were in, but now we do have a choice. You get to decide, from a place of desire, how you want to interact with your man. Now you get to converse with yourself. "I don’t need him to…but do I want him to? Would it *turn me on* if he… 

pays for things? 

takes me out on more dates? 

plans activities/adventures for me? 

takes control in the bedroom and leads me? 

helps with things like fixing my car, running errands, paying the bills?” 

Asking yourself these questions are how you can assist your man in winning with you. Again, it is in a man’s DNA to provide and care for his woman, and if you do not give him ways to do so, you are seriously cutting him and your relationship short.

When your man offers his help and support, I want you to notice what your gut reaction is (hint: it’s probably going to be some version of “no worries, I’ve got it!”) STOP THIS! Stop this right now. Pause and receive him. Receive his gifts. Receive his masculine brilliance, no matter how uncomfortable it is for you. 

Receiving is uncomfortable. That’s why women avoid it. But it is inherent to the feminine. Practice receiving in all areas of life. Receive compliments, receive the feminine shopping spree you are going to take yourself on, receive your date wanting to pay for you, receive the raise you’re going to ask for, receive a man pleasuring you in the bedroom (without the need to pay him back sexually). Receive, receive, RECEIVE SOME MORE!! 

If you are in a relationship with a man who does not want to provide for you, support you, and show up for you in these ways, it is because you have trained him to be like this. You have trained him to believe you’ve got it, you don’t need his help, you are independent and low maintenance.

Re-training your man can be a somewhat tedious process. One that takes patience, communication, and courage. Either way, enter a relationship or adjust the one you’re in to align with the divine, velvet-couch-laying, grape-eating goddess that you are. You are not low maintenance, you never have been, you never will be. Your conditioning has programmed you to believe that you need to be “low maintenance” in order to keep a man. It’s bullshit. It’s crap. It’s a low-vibe belief. Toss it.

STOP PLANNING 

A lot of women want to know best. They think their plans are best. Their ideas are better. Their methods are superior. Often, women look at the masculine and say: “can you just…do better?” Lay down your sword, warrior, and consider that men are visionary geniuses; although their methods may not look like yours, they know exactly where they are going and it may be even better than what you had planned!

When the masculine is around, you get to relax and surrender into your feminine. Do you know how special that is? UTILIZE THIS! You don’t need to figure it all out! You don’t need to make all the plans! YOUR MAN CAN!

Trust. Him. Trust his vision. By no means does this say that you have to be a silent doormat on your man’s ride. You have a say, but the difference is that when you constantly make all the plans, take care of things, hold the vision, decide where you are going and what you are doing, the masculine has nowhere to go. It cannot expand. Even worse, he will actually feel emasculated by you. This is mold — it will rot your relationship. This is what leads to a complete loss of sex drive and erotic connection in partnership. 

FEMININE CELEBRATION 

Your man is not going to want to show up and provide for you if there’s no reward. Reward him with your vibrant, irresistible, feminine love. Notice all the little ways your man does things for you, and actually put effort to celebrate him. Acknowledge him, give him kisses, beam for him, hug him, let him feel your gratitude. The more he feels your radiance and happiness, the more he will want to experience that feeling, and the more he will prioritize showing up for you.

There are few things more nourishing to a man than being acknowledged and praised by the feminine. The masculine needs this feminine soothing. It’s an integral part of his fulfillment. Observe this. The next time your man does something for you, smother him with kisses and let him feel your happiness. Watch him light up.

FEMININE COMMUNICATION 

Women often use entitlement and punishment to “get what they want” in relationships with men. This leads nowhere and it leads there fast. Instead, I want you to use desire, turn on, and excitement when communicating what you want to your man — like a 1950s pin-up girl batting her eyelashes, asking a man to fulfill a desire for her. It might not have been very empowering back then, but it was surely impactful. So what can we learn from her? 

Here are some examples of masculine vs. feminine asking. The masculine will be more of a demand, the feminine will be more of an assist. Feminine communication assists men in providing their brilliance. I want you to play with this. This is a place for fun experimentation. 

Masculine Communication: Can I have your jacket? 
Feminine Communication: I’m cold 

Masculine Communication: Will you go out and get us pizza for dinner?
Feminine Communication: I’m hungry

Masculine Communication: Let’s go to the lake this weekend.
Feminine Communication: Can we go on an adventure this weekend?

Some examples of turned-on, desire-led expression vs. 

entitlement/resentment: (keep in mind that TONE has a lot to do with this. Imagine the 1950s pin-up girl batting her eyelashes vs. a resentful, angry housewife.)

Entitled/Resentful: You never take me on dates anymore!
Desire: Babe, I’m desiring some sexy dates with you

Entitled/Resentful: You’re always working, you never have time for me anymore! 
Desire: Babe, I’m desiring more 1:1 yummy connected time with you

Entitled/Resentful: You never go down on me! 
Desire: Babe, I’m desiring to have a super sexy evening where you go down on me and make me moan endlessly with orgasmic bliss

One of the most crucial pieces of wisdom I’ve learned on my journey: - BEHIND EVERY COMPLIMENT IS A DESIRE.

It’s easier to bitch and complain than it is to reveal the tender, vulnerable desire underneath the complaint. Learn to access the desire and communicate from there, and your relationship will transform. 

DESIRE, DESIRE, AND MORE DESIRE

Just as the feminine has a bottomless pit of love, the feminine has a bottomless pit of desire. If you are being agreeable, people-pleasing, acting low maintenance, acting like you don’t want or need a lot, and in general, trying not to seem like a burden/too much, you need to cut. it. out! You are denying yourself your feminine truth which is that you actually do want a lot. You want so much. You want so much attention, so much praise, so many gifts. You want hours spent on you in the bedroom, you want surprises, date nights, to be adored and valued.

You want your man to move mountains for you, but your conditioning and your belief systems around worth have caused you to shrink. Almost all of us women have some flavor of "I cant be too much or else he will leave” or “I have to be cool, easy-going, fun, happy, independent, or else he won’t stay.” I vibrated at this frequency for many, many years, and you know what the result was? I called in men who met me at this frequency. I called in men who actually didn’t want to give a lot. Or even worse - I called in men who DID want to give a lot but I trained them to believe I DIDN’T want to receive a lot.

Boring. Boring. Boring. 

Learn how to access your desires and express them in your relationship; it will lead to a rich and sensational ride with a man. I promise you. Men are responders. They are built to respond to us. If we are giving them nothing to respond to, nothing to provide for us, nothing to expand into, they can be left feeling lost and unfilled in a relationship.

HOW TO ACCESS YOUR DESIRE

What have you been complaining about?

As mentioned earlier, behind every complaint is a desire. Have you been complaining about how your man doesn’t help enough? Have you been complaining about always splitting the bill? Have you been complaining about having vanilla sex? Have you been complaining about feeling bored? Have you been complaining that he doesn’t ask enough questions? Whatever it is, your complaints are portals to your desires. 

What makes you jealous? 

Does your friend’s sex life make you jealous? Does how your friend’s partner show up for them make you jealous? Does the girl living in Bali squirting in a villa make you jealous? Whatever it is that ignites that jealousy, there’s powerful information embedded in your jealousy; it means you want what they have, or at least a version of what they have, and you can have it babe! You really, really can.

Start Small

The more you let yourself have the things you desire in life, the more you will express desires in your partnership. Where are you denying yourself? Is it with that yummy cake? That solo weekend getaway? That pretty dress you’ve been eyeing? Start adjusting to asking for things in your relationship; do you want a sexy date night? Do you want him to plan an adventure? Do you want more connected sex? Do you want to read a book together on intimacy? If your man ever asks you if you want him to grab you anything (on his way over to your house, while he’s out, etc) always say yes! Your initial reaction might be no (coming from a place of wanting to be easy), but pause. Actually think about what you desire (a dessert? Some juice? Dinner?) and ASK FOR IT! You will feel an immense buzzing in your body when you ask for your desires. It comes with the territory. It means you are excited, alive, and turned on!  

WE'RE AT THE END, GODDESS

I loved writing this for you. It makes me feel deeply connected to my journey and my purpose. Women are so powerful. YOU are so powerful. Your radiance is what lights up this world. Your Yoni is what brings life onto this planet. You are the literal connection between the human experience and the divine. You are the portal - you are living, breathing magic. 

Our current collective of women are slowly waking up to our power. Can you feel it? I want you to promise me something…whoever you are, wherever you are reading this, I want you to commit to your radiance as a Woman. 

I want you to stop starving yourself, restricting your food, exercising out of obligation, comparing yourself, gossiping about other women or tearing other women down. I want you to start loving your body: cherish every single inch. I want you to stop playing small with money and living in scarcity - I want this to be your richest year yet.

I want you to stop shrinking in sex and relationship. I want you to promise me you’ll touch and love your Yoni. There is a wildly wet, orgasmic woman inside of you. Do whatever you need to do to access her. I want you to trust men. Fall in love with the masculine. No matter if you’ve been betrayed, let down, or violated by men, open yourself up to love them even still. Lay down your sword. Keep loving, keep opening, keep expanding. The whole world suffers when the feminine closes. You are safe, my love. You are safe to love men. There are amazing, amazing men in this world. Promise me you’ll wrap yourself in sisterhood. Share your true experiences with your sisters. Share your fears and desires. Let your girlfriends feel you.

I want you to stop making yourself wrong for anything and everything. How you show up is perfect — who you are right now is perfect. Your worthiness is inherent — it is not earned, nor can it be added or taken away. No matter what you’ve been through, no matter what you’ve experienced, you are worthy of having everything you desire in life. It’s as important to me for you to have this as it is to you. 

I back you. I love you. I support you. 

xx 

Juju